Art Therapy, Life Path

The Right Path

Leave a comment

For over two years I remained stuck on a huge life decision. Well, several actually.  I knew in my heart that pursuing the path of art therapy was what I wanted to do, yet my fears of the unknown, self-doubt, and my idealistic views of what I thought things should look or feel like began to take over.  I spent over two years taking the prerequisites needed for the master’s program, but as I was going through the motions, those overwhelming feelings of uncertainty clouded my mind.  I even looked at schools, believing I would move out of state and start my journey elsewhere, but no school I looked at reeled me in 100 percent.  I began to feel hopeless, doubting this was even the right path for me to take.  There were many other factors, like money and work and starting a new life somewhere else.  But no matter how many doubts I faced, I never let go of my deep burning desire to become an art therapist.  Everything in me knew that this was what I needed to do.  I had no idea how I would get there, but I just knew that I somehow would.

Fast forward three years later, and I am finally living what I wanted to manifest.  I just started my Master’s in Art Therapy program two months ago, and I am forever grateful to myself for not giving up on my dream.  I have realized that it did not matter which path I took to get to that end goal, just as long as I chose one.  I was stuck for so long on deciding so many things: whether to keep working at a reading clinic that I knew wasn’t right for me (more on this in another post), thoughts about pursuing a master’s degree in fine arts, moving across the country for the experience not knowing what I would do for work, start teaching in a classroom, start some kind of business, or choosing an away program for art therapy vs. the online hybrid program I am now currently enrolled.

I must say I had many doubts about this hybrid program.  There are even some days I start to wonder what it would be like if I just visited one more school that appealed to me, like Mount Mary’s program with Bruce Moon.  I read Moon’s book Introduction to Art Therapy: Faith in the Product which touches on existential art therapy, and I fell in love with it.  It definitely made me wonder what it would be like being there now, with Moon as one of my professors.  But it doesn’t matter.  I made a decision and I am grateful.  My experience so far has had its challenges, as much of it is online.  But I have the support and connections with 24 other individuals in the same exact boat.  We all connected while in Indiana for a week, and there hasn’t been a week, or even 3 days straight, that has gone by without someone posting on our Facebook group page.  I feel like they are right there with me.  They are like my distant family and I cannot wait to see them again in January. And now, I have friends in all parts of the country.  I cannot wait to see what happens next.  I am excited, nervous, overwhelmed, doubtful at times, but still absolutely certain that I am where I am supposed to be.

Uncategorized

Job Struggle

Leave a comment

One thing that astonishes me is how many people in this world dislike their job. More often than not, people wish they were doing something else but stay where they are because they “have to.” How does anyone get to this point in the first place? Especially those who have degrees and still do not feel satisfied at work. You get stuck in a job you don’t particularly like because you can’t just up and quit – you have to pay the bills, raise your kids, make a living. Work shouldn’t be a chore. If you aren’t happy with what you are doing for a living, what kind of life is that?

I have taken several online quizzes, personality tests, read books and articles and met with career counselors to try and figure out what I am meant to be doing. Sure, these can give you some insight, but how do you know for sure?

After attending school for teaching, I began contemplating whether I wanted to teach or not. Not only because of my personal faults, but for obvious reasons as well. Then I came across Art Therapy, which sounded perfect for me. But what about my art studio I wish to have, my books I want to write, and becoming a psychologist, helping with the mentally ill?  Oh, and when would I have time for my spiritual advancement, inspiring others with my art, maybe become an art professor, and run different Etsy shops?

It is almost as if no matter what I do, I will always wish I was doing something else. Why is this? I want to do everything.  I don’t want to waste my life or miss out on things I may love.

I went to college to become an elementary school teacher. I discovered shortly after graduating that I did not want to teach, at least in the academic public classroom. When I first came to this realization, I thought it was due to fear – fear of failing my students, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being able to handle all of the stress that comes with being a teacher. But after a little soul searching, I discovered that it is more than that.

It occurred to me over the course of a few months that I would not be truly happy teaching in an academic classroom. This is not my calling nor what I am meant to do. At least right now. I still have not put all the pieces together, nor do I have the certainty of where I will be in the end. But one thing I am certain of is that my journey has been a real eye-opener, and led me to other opportunities that I may not have otherwise came across.

If you are anything like me, you always wonder if there is something else you should be doing with your life. I don’t know how many times I have come close to quitting my 10 year job because I felt like my time was being wasted. My work needs to give me purpose and meaning.

But then I realized something.  This job may not feed my soul on a deep level or give me true purpose and meaning, but it does provide me with the freedom and flexibility to pursue those true passions of mine. Or at least it has allowed me the time to figure out what does give me purpose and meaning.

The point is, we all have a choice.  Where we are in any given moment –  in terms of job, relationship, living situation, etc. – is for a reason.  I still struggle with this, sometimes daily, sometimes just a couple times a month.  There are days I truly enjoy my job and other days it hurts my soul being where I am because I know I am meant for much, much more. But I am still here because I want to be. The pros simply outweigh the cons, at least right know, and in the meantime I am able to continue my journey and learn more about myself and what I want on my own terms and my own time.

 

Uncategorized

New Year’s Intentions, Not Resolutions

Leave a comment

IMG_2380

January 1st, a fresh new start to a new year.  You reflect on the past year to see what all you accomplished, where your life is, successes, and goals you reached.  Maybe you even had a long list of New Year’s resolutions you made last year that is buried in your notes on your phone or written down in a half-used journal stashed in the back of your closet.  I am notorious for half-written in journals.   After looking back, you find not only that you are no where close to where you wanted to be, but you also did not reach even half of the goals for the year that you made for yourself.

You begin to wonder what the point of making resolutions is anyway, or you tell yourself you will try again this time around for the new year.  Either way, some sort of negative thought crosses your mind making yourself think that you are a failure.

Making new year’s resolutions and actually following through with them can be a daunting task.   A lot happens over the course of the year, and variables that are not under your control take place that keep you from reaching your goals.

I think one of the biggest problems we encounter when making new year’s resolutions is not the fact that the goals are necessarily out of reach, but rather we lose track or push that goal back into the back of our mind as the year progresses and things might get put on the back burner for a while until you later forget.  Or, you start of on the right track and then life happens, and excuses are made for why you aren’t reaching your goal.

Whatever the case, you would not have made the conscious decision to have that as a goal if you did not truly think it was a realistic one to meet.  Therefore, the plain and simple reason for not following through, is lack of commitment.  It is easy to want something very badly, but doing the actual work to achieve it is where most people fall through.  Or they simply don’t know how.

Of the eight new year’s resolutions I made for myself last year, the few that I did reach, I made almost a daily conscience effort to achieve them.  My focus was on 100%  achieving those goals for myself.  Also, they were specific, achievable, simple goals rather than long term goals that were easily forgotten about on the surface, or too big and lofty to even know how or where to begin.

One of my goals was to complete at least twelve paintings by the end of the year, or at least one painting a month.  I was completely committed to this because I wanted it badly.  I worked towards it by making it happen.  How?  I took a painting class that forced me to paint more.  I set up an Facebook page and Etsy shop with my work to share with others which encouraged more motivation for me to paint.  I surrounded myself with art for inspiration that energized me to want to keep painting, even if some did not turn out the way I envisioned.  I participated in a few art events.  I placed reminders all around me to show me what my goal was.  The couple other goals I did achieve were because of similar reasons. I simply set  intentions rather than resolutions.

Intentions keep you  in the present moment, while resolutions are focused on the future. Intentions allow for easy attainable goals you can do now, that lead you to achieve a bigger, long term goal. People want major life changes. They want this to be THE YEAR.  Big lofty resolutions that are stated usually go unachieved.  At least in the long run. Intentions are flexible – a plan, an aim. Resolutions are black and white and set in stone.  Intentions allow for daily work.  These  4 key things kept me focused daily on the goals I did achieve this past year:

  1. Make small, attainable goals that help get you to where you want and that lead up to your bigger goal.
  2. Tell yourself frequently that you WILL achieve your goal.  Do this every morning when you wake up if you need to.  Or, use post-it notes as reminders or some kind of vision board or item so you can see it daily.
  3. Visualize what you want to happen and visualize yourself actually taking the particular steps to get there.   Say daily affirmations to keep you focused.
  4. When you start to get discouraged, do something that inspires you and that makes that feeling go away.  Don’t let negative self-talk or excuses take over.

Make this year your best year ever.  Be committed.  Get uncomfortable if that is what it takes to achieve your goals.  Set daily intentions.  If you have dreams, peruse them, one small step at a time.  Make daily conscious decisions to achieve your goals in the long run.  Know that big goals and dreams don’t happen over time.  Do the work and don’t lose focus!  What goals and intentions will you have this year and what small steps will you take to achieve them?

Uncategorized

Old Habits Die Hard

Leave a comment

A sense of sadness rushes over me as I read my last and only two blog posts, both of which set the tone of ambition and change to be taking place. The start of a new and improved me, of releasing fears, reaching goals, and chasing dreams. Both portray the image of exactly what I want to accomplish with this blog, and my life, in hopes of also touching or relating to others in some way.

I had a few realizations just from reading back on those two posts.

My fears I spoke of were not limited to those I listed.  A more valid fear I see is my fear of being vulnerable. My fear of truly acknowledging and revealing my true self, my authentic self.  I write up these posts and have images of what I want my ideal self (or words) to portray to others, because I want them to be perfect. I want to share as much as I can and in the right way.  But the truth is, there is so much that I do not know.  I’m continually growing and learning, and I do not always have the right answer. Because of this, it stops me from sharing my current experiences, which are sometimes not inspirational or enlightening or providing the answer to a solution. Many times, it is the complete opposite.

I also realize that I am still coming into who I truly am meant to be. I desperately want to be there already, and feel I cannot share my words with others until I have reached that point. Part of it is, I think I am fearful of who that person may be – my true self – because of what others may think.  As if others won’t approve of the real me – my thoughts, views and beliefs on certain things, my real interests and passions that are at the core of my being, my true essence.

“Here I am, writing my first blog post, again.”

My previous words show me that I have been repeating my same old habits. The very same reasons that stopped me from continuing before or what have stopped me this past year.  YEAR!  But every time I seem to get a lot closer to figuring things out, it always seem to change, which then leads to more discouragement.

“One of the most important things I have to remind myself about is to not think so much, but to just do.”

Maybe if I took my own advice for once, I would be further along. I’ve always been good at that – giving others advice but not always taking it for myself. My own words I stated before resonate deeply with me.  I often get caught up in my own thinking about what to do or how things should be done, rather than just doing, rather than just going with the flow.

“Do something for yourself because you owe it to yourself to find out what all you are fully capable of, regardless of the outcome.”

What I take from this now is to not write this blog for others, but for myself. I need this for my own self-expression, even if it means revealing the darker parts of me. Maybe in the midst of all that, inspiration will still come to others.  But if not, at least I – my authentic and true self – can at least still break free.

 

 

Self-Discovery

Recognizing Your Fears

Leave a comment

Here I am, eight months later, writing my second blog post.  Yes, it has taken me this long to gain the courage to put my words out there.  Part of me wasn’t quite sure what to write, or how to say it.  I often get these huge epiphanies or breakthroughs and feel the need to share what I have learned and experienced, but the ‘putting it all into the right words’ is where I seem to struggle.  I have learned, however, that all of that does not matter.  I am, and will probably always be a bit of a perfectionist with wavering battles of extreme to lack of self-confidence which prevents following through with something for fear of it not turning out the way I envision.  But today is the day I begin to break that cycle, and just do it.

Almost everyday for the last year or so, I have been desperately needing change in my life.  I have felt stuck, unfulfilled, needing a new environment, and life has felt somewhat meaningless at times.  I see friends and family with new big changes: engagements, pregnancies, new house, etc. I go through phases where I am content on where I am, but then it spirals back to these feelings, even more so than the time before.

I think it has been taking me this long to actually begin taking changes seriously, simply because I have been comfortable.  No matter how much I suffer from lack of change, it is almost as if the long length of time of sameness overpowers that feeling.  This is why I have become stagnant, or don’t seem to follow through with certain things.  For fear of change.  Fear of the unknown.  And even fear of success or simply feeling like I don’t deserve to be happy, at least on a subconscious level.

I think this is why many people don’t take risks or face new opportunities, but rather they remain in their comfort zone, because that is what it is – comfortable and familiar.  They may think thoughts such as, “If  I stay at my current job that leaves me unfulfilled, at least I will be making some money.”  “If I chase my dreams and pursue what I really want, I will end up doing it all for nothing.”  “If I move out of state for that Master’s degree, I will become broke and will also feel alone.”  “If I spend more time on my art, I will neglect my real job and will wish I had spent that time making money.”  “If I do write more and even start my book, who will even care to read it?”  “I can’t look for another job, I probably won’t find another one that pays as well or is as flexible with my schedule.”

All of these types of thoughts stem from fear.  Fear of what, depends on your own personal thoughts, behaviors, and experiences.  But it’s recognizing those thoughts initially that helps you become aware of what your fears really are.  Only then can you take the next step and conquer your fears.  Many times, you may not even be aware of those thoughts or your fears because they are embedded on an unconscious level.   What do you think your fears are?  What obstacles have you yet to overcome and are you fully aware of why you haven’t yet?

Self-Discovery

Fresh Start

Leave a comment

Here I am writing my first blog post…again. I started a blog several months ago, but became easily discouraged due to the complicated and time consuming learning curve. Keeping up with it and researching was just entirely too overwhelming. But I decided to try it again and not give up!

My intentions for this blog is to share my thoughts, feelings, experiences, and opinions on various life matters, while hopefully helping and inspiring others along the way, in some way or another. I have learned that contemplating and trying to figure things out by researching, thinking, and analyzing, only goes so far. I will say, I have learned a tremendous amount by digging into who I am as a person, and why I am the way I am. But every time I seem to get a lot closer to figuring things out, it always seem to change, which then leads to more discouragement.

One of the most important things I have to remind myself about is to not think so much, but to just do. You can’t grow or learn about who you really are if you just stay within the confinements of yourself and the normalities of how you live. You must change things up a bit, get out of your comfort zone, try new things, and just let go of all doubts and negative self-talk. Do something for yourself because you owe it to yourself to find out what all you are fully capable of, regardless of the outcome. That is what I am doing now with this new blog. Something always holds me back from following through with the things I want the most, and that is a habit that I intend to break, beginning now.