Here I am, eight months later, writing my second blog post. Yes, it has taken me this long to gain the courage to put my words out there. Part of me wasn’t quite sure what to write, or how to say it. I often get these huge epiphanies or breakthroughs and feel the need to share what I have learned and experienced, but the ‘putting it all into the right words’ is where I seem to struggle. I have learned, however, that all of that does not matter. I am, and will probably always be a bit of a perfectionist with wavering battles of extreme to lack of self-confidence which prevents following through with something for fear of it not turning out the way I envision. But today is the day I begin to break that cycle, and just do it.
Almost everyday for the last year or so, I have been desperately needing change in my life. I have felt stuck, unfulfilled, needing a new environment, and life has felt somewhat meaningless at times. I see friends and family with new big changes: engagements, pregnancies, new house, etc. I go through phases where I am content on where I am, but then it spirals back to these feelings, even more so than the time before.
I think it has been taking me this long to actually begin taking changes seriously, simply because I have been comfortable. No matter how much I suffer from lack of change, it is almost as if the long length of time of sameness overpowers that feeling. This is why I have become stagnant, or don’t seem to follow through with certain things. For fear of change. Fear of the unknown. And even fear of success or simply feeling like I don’t deserve to be happy, at least on a subconscious level.
I think this is why many people don’t take risks or face new opportunities, but rather they remain in their comfort zone, because that is what it is – comfortable and familiar. They may think thoughts such as, “If I stay at my current job that leaves me unfulfilled, at least I will be making some money.” “If I chase my dreams and pursue what I really want, I will end up doing it all for nothing.” “If I move out of state for that Master’s degree, I will become broke and will also feel alone.” “If I spend more time on my art, I will neglect my real job and will wish I had spent that time making money.” “If I do write more and even start my book, who will even care to read it?” “I can’t look for another job, I probably won’t find another one that pays as well or is as flexible with my schedule.”
All of these types of thoughts stem from fear. Fear of what, depends on your own personal thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. But it’s recognizing those thoughts initially that helps you become aware of what your fears really are. Only then can you take the next step and conquer your fears. Many times, you may not even be aware of those thoughts or your fears because they are embedded on an unconscious level. What do you think your fears are? What obstacles have you yet to overcome and are you fully aware of why you haven’t yet?
